why do you need to be so pathetic and weak??

seriously you never needed anyone...or thats why you would tell yourself,

so then why do you fucking feel so lonely?

you know people care for you, then why wont you be able to feel loved?

why do feel as if thats not enough? stop being so fucking selfish not everything revolves around you you stupid cunt!

god seriously why are those feelings coming back again??

i thought you were happy!! no...its all a lie

but you cant tell them!! youll make them suffer

you dont want that do you?? why make people feel sad for you stupidity??

why do you want attention? you never cared

you would always keep your feelings to yourself!!!

why do you feel the need for someone to just know whats going on and hug you??

you actually WANT their pity...thats so sad no wonder youre fucking messed up!

maybe you should go to a doctor...your dad is already worried you know??

do you want him to worry even more? no? then keep your feelings to yourself, be strong!

dont make him waste money on you when you know you can control this...

people can never know the real you

but please dont be scared, dont cry...eventually this will stop right?

no, it never stops you just know how to block it

so please block this depression like you always do

dont cry anymore people will see you and get worried

you dont need to make them worry

youre not worth it so please stop it

ok so heard that supp you can lose 10lbs in 48hrs...im still not sure if it'll work but hey i'll try it if i get to buy all that stuff :D

here's the recipe if someone wants to try it too

1 cup of orange juice
1 cup of cranberry juice
1 cup of (vanilla) soy milk
1 cup of yogurt (she used reduced fat plain)
2 Tbsp. wheat germ
1/4 tsp. flaxseed oil

Mix above together and sip throughout day. Drink at least 64 oz. of water. This is enough for the 48-hour period.

blah so today i did way better

my grandma cooked for me so i felt bad and i ate it....

andof course i ended up purging the shit out :/

so i had around 300 cals today

and i also got to excercise for 2 hrs :D

im gonna be alone tomorrow so fasting for me!!!

i feel so light headed right now, i love it.

SS&TT!!!!

<333

I FEEL FAT!!!

god i cant seem to fool my aunt or my grandparents here!!!!

i was better back at home :/

but i dont rly wanna go back...not yet

i need to find better ways not to eat!!

this monday i start going to a two week course on how to put fake nails so maybe that will help me to lie

gah i hate myself for eating...

ok.

for the past two days i've been like all weird...

on wednesay y burned 600cals excercising :D

so i burned like more than half of what i ate :P

but omg yesterday!!!!!! gaaah i just wanted to die >_< i pigged out like crazy!!!!

i ate a cucumber
an apple
then sum chips
and THEN a 6 in subway x.x

gah i felt rly fat...i srsly felt like a was about to purge but had to hold it in cause my parents were home O:

& when i was gonna start to excercise my mum didnt let me!!!!! can you effin believe it!!
so yeah i decided to call a frnd and go to starbucks to smoke cause i thought i was gonna purge at any time

she then decided it was a good time to weight ourselfs...yeah i was shitless scared...BUT it turns out that i lost 3LBS!!!!!!!!

so now im 123lbs :DDDDD

yay yay i mean i know i woulve weighted less if i  hadnt eaten all that crap but meh but im not even close to my goal weight yet D:
but i know i can do it!!!!! ;D

anyways so today i ate some granola pieces and an apple & i was fine but then when my mum picked me up she made eat a burger...i got a chicken one tho :D but god!! i felt so guilty cause i was doing so well -.-

the good news is that she is gone and i just purged everything i ate and i feel way better now ;P

my frnd might pick me up soon to get sum coffee but screw that im gonna drink diet tea :L & smoke a cig :D

ok so right now im eating an apple and i cant even finish it!!!!

i am so happy cause that means im starting to get full by only drinking water :D

yay yay!!!!

well im gonna go out with sum frnds even tho im still kinda mad at them but the only reason im going is totell my parents that i ate with them >:D

damn sometimes im so smart!!!!

hopefully i wont be tempted..we'll see what happens!!!